Make Burbanked’s birthday wish come true, Day Two: remake me a movie!
By Burbanked on Dec 23, 2008 in Blogging, Movies | 2,012 views |
From Star Trek to Get Smart; from The Day the Earth Stood Still to Friday the 13th; from planned remakes of everything from The Karate Kid to Arthur to Romancing the Stone to A Nightmare on Elm Street, this past year has seen the completion or the launching of movie remakes at previously unimagined levels. It’s as if all of the trained monkeys of the Hollywood development scene suddenly and collectively gave up on new material, packed away their spec tracking lists, and are now only seeking pre-existing material.
I, for one, am less than thrilled about this burgeoning trend, and because it’s my birthday I’m going to call on you to do something about it. On this, my second of three days of celebration, I will call upon three of my online pals to send me a birthday present. Once you hear my wish, do with it what you will. Write a post, write a comment, write me an email, or otherwise convey to me how you’ll make it come true.
For today’s birthday wish, remake me a classic 80s movie.
Clearly the Hollywood movie-remaking wave is destined to sweep all of us up in its flotsam of silly nostalgia, streamlined filmmaking, cheap investment and large box office returns, so I say we go ahead and embrace it as everyone else seems to be doing. For my birthday wish, I want you to come up with a classic 80s movie (or hell, a TV show) that is ready for the remake machine. Tell me who would be the headlining star, who’d direct it, what kinds of liberties the filmmakers would take with the original property – and tell me just why in the hell you’d remake this classic in the first place.
Matt, Megan, Joe? It’s your turn. Find an 80s movie and regift it to me, wrapped up in a delightful red remake bow suitable for slipping around my neck and gently swinging me from a tree with the level of disgust I plan to have for your suggestions.
Anyone reading this who isn’t tagged? Go ahead and give me your remake ideas in the comments below as well. I’m curious to find out exactly how depraved remake fever can possibly get.
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MC | Dec 23, 2008 | Reply
I suggested Red Dwarf be remade for America. Happy Blog Birthday.
Megan | Dec 23, 2008 | Reply
It’s harder than I thought… http://megancahalan.blogspot.com/2008/12/stalling-for-time.html
I’m still thinkin’!
grapeshot | Dec 24, 2008 | Reply
I, too, am sick of the ever burgeoning remakes.
Hmmm….a BIG 80′’s movie? Well, as you know, the best way to remake an old movie is to take a not so good one, and then remake it better. Of course, that’s way easier than it sounds. But still, there are some BIG 80’s movies that were successful but could nonetheless be improved.
Now, I would not dream of remaking some of the really great ones — Absence of Malice, or Platoon, for example. I suppose it could be done, but could it be done better? I doubt it. You could just as well remake Casablanca, only why for?
I can think of some movies with good box office in those years that nonetheless could be improved. Stir Crazy, Crocodile Dundee, and almost any movie with Eddie Murphy in it. (Not that he was very bad in them, but often the stories were weak.)
However, I think I’d like to remake Midnight Run. I know, I know. This is breaking my cardinal rule of remakes. It’s hard to figure out an improvement to this classic movie, and certainly hard to imagine a better cast. This has got “bound to fail” written all over it.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t have to mess around with the script too much, which, as you know, can cause endless complications and usually doesn’t provide any improvements. If, however, someone forced me to add a twist to the original story, I’d probably make the entire story play out as if it was being filmed by a reality show. (What’s that bounty hunter reality show…um..oh, that’s it: Dog The Bounty Hunter.) I’d find a clever writer who could figure out how to make the chasee’s be so visible yet be off the grid making it harder for the chasers to find them. Kind of like as if the bounty hunter is laughing at the mobsters. Which would make the Robert DeNiro character be sort of a smart and cocky bastard, rather than the hardscrabble down at the heels, doggedly determined character of the original movie. So, our bounty hunter hero takes on the assignment just for the exposure he’d get on the TV show. He thinks he’s smart enough to pull this off, but often it’s the guy who he’s bringing in that gets him out of his messes. Or something like that. Whatever. Give me a break, I’m spit-balling here.
Once that impossible hurdle is overcome, and I guess in this exercise it’s a given that money and distribution is guaranteed, then the next hurdle is director and casting. Naturally, all directors are keen and eager to sign on to this slice o’heaven movie, so I have my pick. I don’t want too much of that “shaky cam” crap since I prefer not to confuse and nauseate my viewers. However, I like movies that move along quickly and present a lot of information to the viewer all at once, but nothing too overwhelming, or too hip. Guy Ritchie, for example, would be too out there. I guess I’d have go for Alfonso Cuaron, who’s work I really admired in Children of Men. I don’t know if he can do something a little more light-hearted and not so dead serious, but I liked how he put his shots together, and how he got a crew that was able to give a distinctively different look for the art direction.
As for the casting, well, if the screenplay was written right, then almost any actors could be cast. The characters should just walk right off the page. The only real thing to look for would be the chemistry between the two leads. (Isn’t that always the main issue in a buddy flick?) On second thought, maybe I couldn’t just cast any actor. Most of them have some limitations, even if only that they don’t look “right” for the part. I would be looking for someone who can play brain dead and cocky, and someone who LOOKS like there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface than what immediately meets the eye. But with chemistry between them. Piece of cake NOT.
Chris Tucker and Orlando Jones?
Jack Black and Jake Gyllenhaal?
I don’t know. Casting is pretty ineffable. Especially so when you don’t really know the characters that you’re trying to cast.
Saint | Apr 5, 2009 | Reply
I know I’m late to the party but I would gift you the remake of Back To The Future. It would be so much more futuristic now that it’s the future and such. Instead of Micheal J. Fox inventing rock n’ roll he’d bring them “Dance Dance Revolution” and “Rock Band” to play on a Wii thereby speeding up technology so fast that when he returns to the future he’ll be able to tweet about what happened just by thinking about it. Of course, Doc Brown would be on the Dateline special “To Catch A Mad Scientist” but they could turn that into a gritty twist for the sequels. The DeLorean would be a Prius.