I am a walking movie cliché.
By Burbanked on Jul 10, 2008 in Blogging, Movies, Off the Rails | 1,015 views |
I am a fish out of water.
I am an everyman.
My wife and I met cute.
There’s no place like my home.
I’m getting a lot more than I bargained for.
My life is based on a true story.
I play fast and loose with the rules.
I tend to think that things are quiet. A little too quiet.
My kids are wise beyond their years.
I am searching for redemption.
Most of my schemes are just crazy enough to work.
I am stuck in development hell.
I’m an untested rookie, brash and arrogant.
I’ll have what she’s having.
I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
My family means everything to me.
There’s a part of “no” that I don’t understand.
I make mistakes that could get people killed.
Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.
I’m a grizzled veteran; I’ve seen it all.
My character arc is incomplete.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
In prison, I’d be the fresh meat.
I assure you, my freedom comes at a dear price.
I’m a tough-talkin broad with a heart of gold.
I am too old for this shit.
There is still good in me.
I can’t handle the truth.
Everything is at stake.
I never say die. I never surrender.
I have a bad feeling about this.
VICTORY WILL BE MINE.
I don’t need no stinking badge.
I am frequently the wrong man in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But believe me…
I’ll be back.
(inspired in part by the genius that is Piper and his recent musings on Wanted)
Dedicated screenwriting 101 here: From an interview with Harrison Ford on the MTV Movies Blog in which the inevitability of another Indiana Jones movie is mentioned:
How do I get out of this? I love going to the movies with my boys, opening up their minds to the great pleasures of cinema and all that, but this is a hard one. Please help me: do I suck it up and just go, or can anyone out there provide me with a plausible, kind-hearted, permanent way out? (
© Copyright
Ray | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
Awwww, look who’s back!!
Cool poem. I like to think of you as a tough talkin’ broad; it takes our friendship to new and exciting places that I’m uncomfortable describing in a public forum.
I’m surprised at the number of quotes I recognized and could identify.
Burbanked | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
That’s the beauty and wonder of the Hollywood cliché, my friend. EVERYone can recognize ‘em.
I find it interesting that my site plugin which automatically chooses “related stories” to this one plucks a Michael Bay item out of my archive, despite the fact that I never name him or his movies in this post.
Moviezzz | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
(Long Pause)
CLAP
CLAP
CLAP CLAP
CLAP CLAP
CLAP CLAP CLAP
(Thunderous applause from all)
Piper | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
Your mouth is writing checks your butt can’t cash.
You’re dangerous.
No one puts you in the corner.
You have most people at “hello.”
What’s the “my wife and I met cute” from?
Burbanked | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
Moviezzz: Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.
Piper: I toyed around with adding “you do NOT want to mess with me” but then I realized it wasn’t true. Not at all. That’s along the lines of your “you’re dangerous” suggestion to which I’d say “eh. not so much.” And I have very FEW people at “hello”.
“meet cute” comes from years in the development trenches, baby. If your protag and love interest don’t meet cute by page 27, you pretty much need to start rewriting.
Sulu at the Helm | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
Your fans are movie cliches as well.
We can’t quit you.
Damian | Jul 11, 2008 | Reply
Well done, Alan.
George Carlin would be proud.
MC | Jul 12, 2008 | Reply
You are once again Transmundane, oh sagely bearer of cinematic wisdom.
Megan | Jul 13, 2008 | Reply
Great post.
Too too Badeenie | Jul 13, 2008 | Reply
This is some great shit…very inspiring and all.
Burbanked | Jul 13, 2008 | Reply
Thanks very much Sulu, Damian, MC and Megan.
Too too: uh, wow. Glad to be of help. I think.
Scott | Jul 14, 2008 | Reply
“I can’t handle the truth.”
I heard the other day that the truth is somewhat inconvenient lately. Not sure what that meant.
Piper | Jul 14, 2008 | Reply
Whoah, whoah, whoah. Everyone slow down, here. If we’re going to be handing out all these compliments, let’s not forget me in this equation. I was .01% of inspiration for this post.
I accept checks Alan.
MC | Jul 17, 2008 | Reply
Well, that’s a check your ass can’t cash either… because they can’t sign them.
Piper | Jul 18, 2008 | Reply
Oh MC, here’s something you need to know about me.
I have a very smart ass and I have taught it to write checks. But they’re very extravagant checks and I never have the funds to cover them.
But oh yes, my ass can write checks.
Too too Badeenie | Jul 18, 2008 | Reply
What the hell are you guys talking about…butts writing checks?