Thank you, Eddie Murphy. All is forgiven.
By Burbanked on Jun 25, 2008 in Blogging, Celebrities, Movies | 574 views |
Finally, some good news coming out of Hollywood! I just read today that a revolutionary new technology has been created to help moviegoers stop feeling so bad about spending money for substandard product at the theater. You know I’m a big fan of spending my movie money wisely, so I just had to share this with you:
Introducing The Eddie Murphy Gobblehead Donate-O-Tron!
This picture is the first Eddie Murphy Gobblehead rolling off the assembly line and headed for its new destination. Here’s how it works: the Eddie Murphy Gobblehead is deployed in the lobby of your local multiplex. As you approach the Eddie Murphy Gobblehead, hidden sensors trigger its internal mechanisms that cause its jaws to open WIDE. Then you take your money and throw it into the mouth of the Eddie Murphy Gobblehead.
It’s that simple! And the beauty of it is, Eddie Murphy doesn’t even have to be releasing a movie for it to work! In fact, that’s exactly the point. The Eddie Murphy Gobblehead actually replaces the need for Eddie Murphy to ever act in a movie again. Now when we go to the theater to get screwed by Hollywood, all we have to do is throw our money into the big, laughing, gaping mouth of Eddie Murphy - and we don’t have to suffer the humiliation of sitting through one of his movies.
It’s a win-win for everyone involved, I’d say, because we are all so desperate to believe that Eddie Murphy still has a good movie or eight in him. Now we can give him our money of our own free will, and never be subjected to the indignity of him sleepwalking through another listless family comedy, watered down Beverly Hills Cop sequel, unfunny sci fi adventure or Tolstoy adaptation.
And when you think about it, there’s no reason that the Eddie Murphy Gobblehead has to be limited to just movie theaters:
 Imagine: you’re a stay-at-home mom, taking the kids to the playground for the day and what’s this? Just watch the joy spread across your kids’ faces as they stick their pennies and nickels into the mouth of Eddie Murphy. |
 Don’t let those shopping mall crowds get you down! Nothing chases away the doldrums wrought from our reckless and out-of-control consumer culture quite like donating money to the cause of Eddie Murphy never, ever gracing the silver screen again. |
 It’s one thing to fill the brains of our youth with the inestimable value found our nation’s fine library system - but when they learn how to throw their money away to the benefit of Eddie Murphy, you’re teaching them something important about life as well. |
 Where is it written that all of your disposal charity income should be donated to your house of worship? I say just give it to Eddie Murphy instead - and see how much better and brighter the world looks when you do. |
 And don’t forget this summer while you’re out touring our country’s monuments and other places of historical interest how important it is to the health of our nation that we keep Eddie Murphy from stepping in front of the cameras ever again. It’s really every patriotic citizen’s duty, I’d say. And I’d be right. |
And guess what? I even read that if you order an Eddie Murphy Gobblehead Donate-O-Tron by July 4th, they’ll also send you this limited edition Sharon Stone FaceStuffer for carnivals and garage sales. It functions very similarly to the Eddie Murphy Gobblehead, but also accepts recyclables and old underwear.
Well there you have it. Once again the innovators of Hollywood have brought innovation, simplicity and true sensitivity to the endeavor of relieving us of our hard-earned money. You’ve got to admire an industry so dedicated to thinking outside the box…and inside the money-gobbling head of Eddie Murphy.
Pal-O-Burbanked Chris Thilk of 
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Carlo Conda | Jun 26, 2008 | Reply
Your freaky superman pics are hilariously awkward.
Ray | Jun 26, 2008 | Reply
LOL … I loved the pic of Eddie Murphy’s giant head peeking around the corner of the church … as if such an edifice isn’t already creepy enough.
Liz | Jun 26, 2008 | Reply
Seeing these pictures, I can’t help but think that Eddie Murphy’s head would make a great headstone (ha!) for the lifelong comedy fan. What better way to honor the life of your fun-loving relative than EDDIE MURPHY’S GIANT HEAD?
Burbanked | Jun 28, 2008 | Reply
If I had a giant Eddie Murphy head, I would place it in my back yard so as to prevent all the deer from leaving piles of poo for my dog to roll around in. The deer would enter my yard, see the giant Eddie Murphy head, think “Whoa. That is one boring, has-been, uninspired yard that is only a shadow of its former glory,” and then they’d move on.
Ray | Jun 29, 2008 | Reply
Just be thanful you don’t have a giant “Eddie Murphy in NORBIT” head in your backyard.
However, either one is too big for their own good.
Piper | Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
Man, you weren’t kidding when you said you were going to take some time off.
Carlo Conda | Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
I got a job at a movie theater and we have a giant Eddie Murphy face in front of the theater hallway.
Did you know that he has a mini Eddie crawling out of his ear and waving?
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2369/2360781033_a9762a4798_o.jpg
Burbanked | Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
I thought you meant that the Big Eddie Murphy Head had a mini Eddie Murphy crawling out. If it did, and I saw it in a movie theater, I’d take a bat and beat that little Eddie Murphy like a rented mule.
Carlo Conda | Jul 9, 2008 | Reply
Buddy, the head that you see in the poster I linked is a 9 feet tall cutout in my theater.
Scott | Jul 10, 2008 | Reply
On a related note, I just posted about “The Decline of Eddie Murphy.”
Scott
He-Shot-Cyrus.blogspot.com
mr_g | Jul 16, 2008 | Reply
Classic. That was soooo well done!