Logline Freebies: “Carcass Dreams”
By Burbanked on Apr 25, 2008 in Logline Freebies, Movies, Screenwriting | 445 views |
What are today’s screenwriters looking for? In Hollywood, the answer is simple: a quickly-pitched, overly familiar story idea that feels different, but of course isn’t. Die Hard in a blimp. Bad Boys II meets Schindler’s List. Rudy, but set in the ultra-competitive world of meat-judging.
Wait, what?
According to The Wall Street Journal, college meat-judging teams practice long hours in tough conditions, stretch their capabilities to the breaking point and bitterly compete against each other, putting future careers, prestige and bragging rights all on the line. Sounds like the stuff of good, old-fashioned derivative movie-making to me. Check out some of the article’s stirring, sports-oriented blurbage that peels the fur and skin away and exposes the freshly-slaughtered truth of competitive college meat judging:
Jace Hollenbeck approached the bloody competition floor…
“We didn’t come here to lose.”
…students spend most of a day staring at whole and dismembered carcasses…
“This is the big leagues for meat judging,” he said.
Then they drew near to gauge the udder fat.
It was the beef carcasses where many stumbled.
Sounds like someone at the Journal is angling for a screenwriting credit.
Are you paying attention, my slippery and scruple-less movie scribes? Just imagine the scene where the coach drags a beef carcass, hooked to a ceiling rail, across a room and slams it against a blackboard to make his point; or the one where a female team member faints from the cold of the meat locker; or the heartbreaking bit where the team’s plucky but untested rookie meat-judger lets everyone down by failing to identify an obese lamb. And just think of all the driving rock music-fueled training montage scenes!
Cast Josh Brolin as the alcoholic coach with a score to settle; or shoot it on a real college campus with a cast of unknowns and you’ve got Rocky meets Cloverfield; or simply pitch this to Will Ferrell and get him to make the same movie he keeps making, one. more. time. Hell, I’ll even gift-wrap a few more title ideas for you:
- Total Beef
- Glory in the Meat Locker
- Triumph of the Meat
- HARDBONE!
That should really be enough to get you started. (found via News of the Weird)
Okay, now I’ll just admit that I’m trying to freshen up my sidebar a little. But this is a nifty piece of Batman-themed editing:
© Copyright
Ray | Apr 25, 2008 | Reply
LOL … your brain works in mysterious ways.
Please remove Will Ferrell’s name from this article before he sees it and, as you jokingly hinted, actually turns this into a “comedy.”
Burbanked | Apr 25, 2008 | Reply
Adam R | Apr 25, 2008 | Reply
And I think you could squeeze in a play on Rocky’s carcass-boxing scene.
Megan | Apr 27, 2008 | Reply
What about when the creepy guys from the science building start performing experiments on the waste products, creating a hybrid-super-carcass which then proceeds to infiltrate people’s minds, and it’s only the hunky, down-to-earth, farm-raised meat judgers who can save the day?
Burbanked | Apr 27, 2008 | Reply
Megan | Apr 28, 2008 | Reply
I’m calling it “Dead Meat.”