For Michael Bay, some gentle advice.
By Burbanked on Jun 12, 2007 in Celebrities, Geekformers, Movies | 3,907 views |
Yesterday as I was scrubbing out the nozzles of my flamethrower, I came across a post from IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com in which we see “actress” Megan Fox doing the pouty thing at a foreign movie premiere while something grizzled and creaky that kind of resembles Michael Bay is propped up next to her.
Is this really Michael Bay? The man’s man director and geekformer god-stud who can blow up a Lamborghini within 910 film edits of cinematically portraying a lispy, swishing gay stereotype? This sleepy-looking, vaguely vice principalian-looking schlub is the guy who can so fearlessly and callously annihilate thousands of movie extras without an ounce of emotional investment?
See, here’s the thing: if Bay has any hope of retaining his status as a high-octane and superficial movie hackster, it’ll be imperative for him to retain a youthfully macho appearance in the long-term, especially as time goes on and he’s likely to be pictured standing next to increasingly young and foolishly porn-like actresses such as Fox. At some point, a more opportunistic (read: smart) actress will refuse to even be photographed with Bay, if only to avoid the lingering stink of this kind of thing.
So in the fine movie tradition of an older, wiser mentor-figure providing sage, Kenobian-style advice, I’d like to take this opportunity and the profound respect that I command as a movie blogger to suggest that Michael Bay return to the testosterone-fueled visual flair that we’ve come to expect from him.
Here, then, are just a handful of visual suggestions of the looks Michael Bay might adopt to ensure that he keeps scoring with young chicks:
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Ray | Jun 12, 2007 | Reply
Cute post
I would, however, question this: Is Michael Bay really an Autobot? From his actions, he seems more like a Decepticon.
Burbanked | Jun 12, 2007 | Reply
I’m not sure. Which one gets more chicks?
Joe Valdez | Jun 12, 2007 | Reply
Thanks for making me star for a day, Alan. Your post on Michael Bay and the Pussycat Doll of the moment made me laugh.
As always, your site is one of the sharpest and most fantastic looking out there. You’ve got mad skillz, my man.
Burbanked | Jun 12, 2007 | Reply
Thanks for the kind words, Joe! And with the frequency that I change out the “brains of the bloggers” link, you should feel comfortable being the “star of the three-and-a-half weeks or so”.
No one’s ever noticed my mad skillz before. I think you might complete me.
Michael Bay | Jun 12, 2007 | Reply
I can’t believe you wrote these things about me. It was only last week that we hugged at that event and you told me you can’t wait for Transformers. I also find it odd considering you practically begged me for that P.A. job on my next project.
Burbanked | Jun 13, 2007 | Reply
A capital effort, anonymous poster! But I find it hard to believe that the real Michael Bay would write in complete sentences like that, rather than a jumbled, confusing mess of flashy adjectives and randomly sprinkled exclamation points.