Oh boy. Can’t wait.
By Burbanked on May 31, 2007 in Development Heck, Movies | 949 views |
Just about on the heels of the last useless superhero movie in development over there in the Hollywood Cine-Crap Machine© comes word from The Hollywood Reporter that Warner Bros. will be giving the live-action treatment to the X-Men wannabes DC Comics series Teen Titans.
The young superheroes, whose “fresh” and “clever” hook was that they were all sidekicks of more movie-worthy heroes, have names like “Kid Flash” and “Aqualad” and “Wonder Girl”.
See, they’ve all got names that reflect the fact that they’re young. And their characters are younger than their adult counterparts, see? They’re “kids” and “lads” and “girls”, did you get that part?
Oh, I’m sorry; did that sound condescending, as if I was assuming that you were morons? Because that’s exactly what Warner Bros. thinks for developing this kind of dreck. Here’s the article’s real kicker:
It is not known which heroes will be used, but Nightwing is said to be in the mix.
YAY! O HOW DESPERATELY INDEED HAVE WE BEEN WAITING, PATIENTLY WAITING, FOR A NIGHTWING MOVIE! BY WHAT PROVIDENCE CAN WE DREAM THAT SUCH RAPTURE, SUCH BLISS SHOULD BE EXPERIENCED BY MORTALS SUCH AS US…?
“Mr. Schumacher? Warner Bros. is on the phone. They say that all is forgiven.”
Dedicated screenwriting 101 here: From an interview with Harrison Ford on the MTV Movies Blog in which the inevitability of another Indiana Jones movie is mentioned:
How do I get out of this? I love going to the movies with my boys, opening up their minds to the great pleasures of cinema and all that, but this is a hard one. Please help me: do I suck it up and just go, or can anyone out there provide me with a plausible, kind-hearted, permanent way out? (
© Copyright
Ray | May 31, 2007 | Reply
The thing that made me laugh hardest about this announcement was when they said they wanted to make this a serious version of Teen Titans, like Batman Begins and such.
LOL … huh???
Hollywood is such a fucking sadly stupid and desperate place. I am so glad you got away from it with your mind relatively intact.
Burbanked | May 31, 2007 | Reply
Yeah. I kind of miss my soul, but oh well.
Piper | May 31, 2007 | Reply
Sniff, sniff, sniff. What’s that I smell? Oh, it’s a big stinky nasty turdy slowly creeping out the anus that is Hollywood.
Bob | May 31, 2007 | Reply
I understand the impulse here, but let’s not diss Titans — they’re definitely not too serious anime-style Teen Titans show had some wonderful episodes. If they looked a bit to that show it might turn out to be a genuinely good little movie but they won’t. Probably.
dougie p | May 31, 2007 | Reply
Piper uses this blog perdier than a twenty dollar whore.
Burbanked | Jun 1, 2007 | Reply
Piper - Your bitterness may match my own, but I can’t come anywhere near your talent for vivid metaphor. As ever: kudos to you, sir!
Bob - I’ll accept your point because I’ve never read and/or watched the Titans. I just don’t understand the Hollywood impulse to dig out EVERY single superhero property and develop it. Isn’t the market just a tiny bit saturated with this yet?
dougie p - Now what in the wide, wide world of sports is that supposed to mean?
Bob | Jun 2, 2007 | Reply
First of all, osrry about the typos in the post above second. The animated Titans was a pretty significant rejiggering of the comics Titans (which I never actually read myself — though they have their fans).
Second, I take your point, but you’ve got to understand that, when I was about thirteen and in first throes of comics love, there were constant rumors of comics-based movies that never happened. (There was this one mimeographed fanzine in particular that used to report every property that was optioned…ever so tantalizing.) So, while I recognize that the current trend is more than obeying Sturgeon’s law, I’m still feeling a bit of payback for all waiting, and some actual enjoyment of roughly every fifteenth film!
Of course, the rather bizarre choice of Frank Miller to adapt “The Spirit” and Zack Snyder’s upcoming film of “Watchmen”, my moment of true regret may be coming.
dougie p | Jun 3, 2007 | Reply
Obviously, my mind was aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention.