Wednesday is Mock the Movie Marketing Materials Day. Not really, though. I’m just a bit uninspired.

Clearly there are just too many movies spinning around in the air right now, looking for places to land. And for someone like me who would like to get out to the theater more often, and who would enjoy seeing all of the good, bad and ugly together at the box office, this is actually kind of downer time of year because it’s just not possible or plausible to see all that I’d like.

So instead of seeing some of these movies, I will choose to mock them! Yes, I will mock their stills and their posters and their marketing and their overpaid starlets. I will push my bitterness down deep, stack it on top of my envy and bile, and place it right alongside the meatball sandwich that I ate for lunch.

Ellen Barkin is seen here testing the clause in her Ocean’s 13 contract stipulating that “no other actress sharing the frame with Ms. Barkin shall have more firm, supple, and/or arousing skin texture than Ms. Barkin.”

What Mrs. Bush used to tell around the campfire to scare the kids at night.

Following in the proud tradition of movie titles that are complete sentences and then hopelessly underperform at the box office (such as this. and this. and oh yeah this one), Lindsay Lohan marks a milestone as a “serious” movie actress in I Know Who the Mystical Unicorn Man Outside My Window Is And I Think He Is Going To Kill Me.

Despite the fact that this tableaux looks like “a very special episode” of every TV sitcom that has ever been made, Knocked Up will probably be the big breakout hit of the summer.

Poor son of a bitch has no idea what’s coming. Hope DVD is a little more friendly.

Krasinski: I think I can actually feel my network-hit-show fanbase turning on me… Williams: I’ve won an Oscar. I can do anything. I will never be hungry again. Moore: I am in another movie! I’m in another movie! Movie! That’s me! In a movie!

Apparently even the avatars of Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp and Kiera Knightley can’t be bothered to generate any enthusiasm for their roles anymore.

“Hey, are we related?”
“I don’t think so. Who are you?”
“I’m an amateurishly animated bee that sells nose spray. You?”
“Oh, I’m a bored multi-kabillionaire comedian with an idea for a family film that’s only about nine years too late.”