Don’t take a look at two of the most useless movie trailers ever made.

As mentioned previously, I’m really not much of a fan of remaking the awesome 1986 thriller The Hitcher, and this new trailer for the updated version does absolutely nothing to convince me otherwise. Rapid, seizure-like editing, lots of noise and screaming and complete and utter incomprehensibility. I can’t even find a worthwhile screengrab to post from the trailer so I’ll stick with the original. Shocking – shocking – that cinema’s Clown Prince of the Hackmeisters Michael Bay’s company has produced something this pointless.

The best thing I can say about this terrible new trailer for Wild Hogs (or, as it was likely titled previously, City Motorcycle Slickers With Motorcycles Instead of Cows and Horses And Our Movie Has Motorcycles Isn’t That Funny?) is that it looks like William H. Macy is finally getting in touch with his inner Elton John. The clip begins with a 20-second tirade from John Travolta that is as confusing and nonsensical as it is overacted. This is followed by a painfully unfunny scene with Macy getting embarrassed by one of those Movie-Only Computer Glitches that never, ever happen in 40 lifetimes of reality. And as hard as it is to believe, the trailer just gets worse from there. Bad Martin Lawrence one-liners, bad Tim Allen nonfunniness, typically bad and unrealistic phone-in performances by actresses pretending to be love interests but who are likely ashamed of how miserably they’re being underutilized in a movie whose screenwriters have no clue what to do with them so as to not upstage the bloated egos of their male costars, and – naturally – hilarious groin injuries.

I feel a bit wretched that I’ve already spent this much time on these two awful, awful movies. I don’t even know who “Fox Atomic” is, but just based on this piece of news I admire everyone who works there more than anyone associated with Wild Hogs and The Hitcher remake.