On the 8th Day of Halloween, a bunch of kids’ costumes for kids you don’t like very much.

We’ve seen this kid’s Halloween costume linked from a couple of different sites in the last week or so, and we think it’s just great that the Web site where you can buy it describes the costume with words like “fun” and “unique”, to which we’d add others like “degrading” and “unfunny” and perhaps even “soul-destroying”. Truly innovative and sadistic parents should find ways to dirty up the costume, simulating a scenario in which Junior soiled his outfit for real because he wasn’t smart enough to tell the difference between a real toilet and the one that they’ve made him wear around the neighborhood. If you’re really determined to humiliate and torture your progeny, we think, you might as well go all out.

I mean, really - even the kid modeling this monstrosity looks like he’s terrified of it. And I’m not sure what’s more obscene: that someone created this thinking it was a good idea or the fact that the Web site claims it’s now out of stock! In hopes for a healthy future for our nation’s children, ideally that’s a result of a lawsuit rather than a surge in parents buying it.

But sadly - and of course - it’s not the only horrible kid’s Halloween costume available. For a look at what all the soon-to-be-dysfunctional kids are wearing this Trick or Treatin’ season, join us after the jump.

Now this is helpful. As we all know, most well-adjusted children will likely develop an irrational fear of clowns completely on their own, and this is probably for the best. Clowns are, after all, spawned from Satan and we would do well to remember that. But if your child hasn’t quite committed to a lifelong dedication to coulrophobia, you might as well jump-start the pants wetting now by forcing him/her/It into this charming ensemble. Not pictured due to the crop of the image here - as well as my own refusal to cast my eyes upon it even for a moment more - are the HUNDREDS OF SKULLS OF THE DAMNED that adorn the costume or the FRIGGING HUGE MACHETE that’s included as a prop.

Hey, proud fathers! Remember that magical day when you brought your sweet little newborn daughter home from the hospital? Remember how her tiny little hand wrapped around your finger? Remember how you always said you’d show her what’s beautiful and wonderful in the world and protect her from everything that’s dangerous?

Well, those days are over.

Chances are if you haven’t already tarted her up in this “Sweetie Child Bride” costume (seriously, what does that even mean?), then she’s probably off behind the junior high school putting these clothes on anyway, the moment you pull away from the curb. Parents who delight in sexualizing their young daughters should take care before buying this costume, however. The slutty spider-web tights and trampy shoes aren’t included; the neck choker isn’t even mentioned and, although the Web site made sure that the child model wore her best “I despise you, daddy” cracked-out stare, they do not picture the lower-back tattoo - temporary, of course - that certainly must accompany this outfit.

Nothing says “look at me, mommy, I’m a big boy” quite like serial rape and murder, and now your formerly well-adjusted little tyke can portray the most infamous scourge of jolly old Victorian England. Although this costume seems to include all of the parts that are pictured, it’s unclear how parents should replicate the model’s sunken, femme-like gaze and evil, mouth-breathing pose. “Add your own black pants and you’re ready to party!” says the Web site, as long as by “party” they mean “using all manner of gleaming steel bladed instruments to execute the faithless whores who have it coming.”

Hm? Sorry, what were we saying? Oh well, enjoy the childlike whimsy of the season!