Logline Freebies: “Untitled Adam Sandler Blockbuster”
By Burbanked on Jun 26, 2006 in Logline Freebies, Screenwriting | 1,078 views |
It must be true that absolutely no one, anywhere, listens to movie critics anymore. How else to explain the pure blow-to-the-head insanity of Click’s boffo $40 million opening weekend when the vast majority of reviewers felt the need to trash the movie so creatively?The other explanation is far more horrifying, of course: audiences will go see any piece of crap with Adam Sandler in it.
And really, that’s fine with us. Despite what little objections we may have had, we understand that Hollywood is all about the bandwagon. Just hop on board when it drives by, kids, regardless of the lasting damage to your mortal soul. We’ve realized, in fact, that there’s no cinematic story - anywhere - that can’t be made better by simply adding to it Sandler’s peculiar mix of lowbrow comedy and high-manure schmaltz.
Therefore, we’d like to suggest to all struggling screenwriters to take a look at this story about a decades-old B25 bomber (found via Neatorama) being retrieved from a South Carolina lake, and then feel absolutely no hesitation to rip off Burbanked’s Logline Freebies ready-to-pitch story ideas for it:
- The U.S. Army gets more than they bargained for when they salvage a WWII bomber from a lake and find a very undead zombie (Wacky Sandler) on board. Sure, he’s hungry for brains, but can he also find everlasting love with a spunky Army nurse?
- A Navy plane mechanic (Everyman Blue Collar Sandler) dredges up decades of heartbreak with the discovery of a WWII love letter written from his bombardier grandfather to the grandma he never knew. He gets more than he bargained for when he tries to reunite the octogenarian lovebirds, but can he also make things right with his own long-suffering wife in time?
- Retrieving that old B25 bomber from the bottom of a lake brought the Army more than they bargained for - the plane is haunted by the spirit of the pilot’s young wife! Can the camp chef (Down On His Luck Sandler) figure out how to help the ghost pass through to the other side - and what happens when he falls in love with her along the way?
Have at it, unscrupulous scribes - just drop Burbanked a polite little thank-you note when the studio buys you a Volvo to celebrate your big opening weekend.
My blog-love affair with cartoonist Doug Savage’s terrific daily Savage Chickens (
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because clearly Cage has decided to become action/thriller cinema’s first Polish great-grandma. (
Well, that’s too bad. Back a year or so ago when I heard that they’d be making a movie out of Judi and Ron Barrett’s terrific kids’ book Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, I hoped maybe it’d be made live-action. Handled well, the idea of seeing an actual town where it rained hotdogs and baked beans in an open-roof restaurant, as well as the bit where sanitation trucks clean up all the leftover rain/snow/food and feed it to the pets would be, I thought, a bundle of CG-imbued cinema fun. 
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