Forget home theater – here’s your chance to make a theater your home.

You’ll want to get in on this quickly: for the bargain-basement cost of only $450,000, you can own a vintage drive-in movie theater up for sale on ebay. Imagine the respect and admiration of your friends when they learn that you’ve blown your life’s savings and mortgaged yourself into oblivion purchasing an actual Native American Dinosaur.

And why not? With the “remodeled restaurant/snack bar” and “newly paved driveways”, this place sounds as quaint as a summer cottage. Don’t look at it as a revenue-sucking business venture; think of it as your new home with lots of acreage and close proximity to the freeway.

And if you absolutely insist on trying to run the place as a theater, here are some suggestions for drawing a larger audience:

• Sponsor regular I Was Conceived in This Drive-In Theater nights for the baby boomers
• Plan for annual Super Bowl viewing events (of course, you’ll have to “ask your friends” to “kick in some money for the food”, if you know what we mean)
• Offer it as a wildly overpriced event location for the idiot parents who allow and even encourage their kids to be on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16
• Add a Starbucks to the site. Or a Wal-Mart.
• Zero in on the Hollywood zeitgeist by showing double features of classic films and their crappy modern remakes – Godzilla, Planet of the Apes, Psycho, Poseidon

Eh, never mind. You might want to consider the advantages of bankruptcy.