Little Violet Affleck has some things she’s been thinking about.

Mommy, why are all those sweaty, buggy men taking my picture?

Am I someone important in the world?

Are those people our friends or strangers?

Do they protect us when they’re following us to the supermarket and the park?

Are they kind of like my nannies, just outside the house instead of inside?

Why do they keep pointing those cameras at your stomache, Mommy?

I heard someone say that a woman’s baby got dropped on its head; does that happen to a lot of tabloid babies?

Is Daddy smarter than K-Fed?

Will Daddy ever win another Oscar so that I can go to the show with him?

Who told you to sign a contract to do Elektra, Mommy? Was that person your friend?

When people on the Internet call you fat, does it make you sad that I made your belly fat?

Which is better, a flat fee or gross points?

The other tabloid babies are saying that the TomKat baby will be weird; do I have to play with it if I don’t want to or if it’s scary or sad?

Okay I’m getting sleepy, Mommy. I love you and Daddy. Please tell him that, despite the money and fame, I don’t think Michael Bay has really done him any favors.

Night-night.