Mission: Hollywood - truth…or not truth?

A wise man probably once said, “Truth is the first casualty of Hollywood”. We’ll let you in on the best-kept secret in showbiz: every single person who arrives in Southern California with the intent to succeed in the movie industry is detained at the border until Armani-suited goons have ritually and painfully stripped all ability to tell the truth from the depths of their souls.

It’s kind of a welcoming, “Come for the fame, stay for the damnation” sort of thing. You wouldn’t think so, but it’s actually a bit charming.

Anyway. Let’s see if you can separate the truth from the half-truths, spins, PR oatmeal and outright lies that make up today’s oddball-news-packed edition of Mission: Hollywood:

Let’s see, which DVD titles has the movie industry used to cruelly manipulate our inexhaustible devotion with double- and sometimes triple-dip releases? Terminator 2, check. Black Hawk Down - wow, four DVD releases. Well, at least we’re finally done with only two versions of The Princess Bride…or perhaps not. *sigh.* We hate you, Hollywood. Hate. You.

Although a large majority (at last count, 98%) of the Internet seems to be firmly entrenched in the “Britney Spears totally sucks” camp, the starlet-with-exemplary-taste-in-men can take some solace from the fact that this set of comments on iVillage’s Daily Blabber gossip blog is fairly supportive of her recent guest starring turn on Will & Grace. That the positive comments run only 49% in Britney’s favor should be balanced, however, against the fact that those reacting negatively also 1) prefer Jessica Simpson’s acting abilities, 2) express desperate hopes that Joey never ends and 3) at least once refer to Ms. Spears as “chunky monkey”.

We’re not even certain where to begin with this one. True or not, we’d have to say: yes, it is very creepy. Can we move on now?

In Charlotte, North Carolina, a trio of men have been arrested on charges that they were running a sado-masochistic dungeon in the basement of their rural home where they performed castrations on willing participants. Let us just say that last part again: castrations on willing participants. So for which Hollywood writer/auteurs does this bizarre scene appear most likely to inspire the creation of a squirm-worthy cinematic treatment: Tarantino or the Brothers Wachowski?

Brett Michaels, lead singer of the big, poofy hair band “Poison”, is worried that he has been targeted by a hitman. His suspicion comes from having two apparent attempts on his life made in the last six months, possibly as a result of someone with a grievance against him. Police are currently questioning every person who ever bought an album by “Poison”.