In Scientology no one can hear you scream.

Ordinarily, Burbanked prefers to steer clear of the zany goings-on of what passes for religion in Hollywood. Sure, we may allude in some small way to this wacky celebrity or that one whose pursuit of the spiritual has reached new heights of publicity overload, but we do try, in most cases, to let such matters pass by uncommented.

After all, who are we to cast stones at the beliefs of others? Should we really care that celebrities are larger-than-life, fabulously wealthy people who are in the business of 1) remaining celebrities and 2) paying handsomely for teams of PR professionals to incessantly talk about them? Does it matter that Hollywood makes itself such a consistently easy target?

Well, yes. When we come across items like this one - oh yes, indeed.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of the Tom-and-Katie BabyWatch squad at TMZ.com, we’re offered yet another glimpse into the practices of the named-completely-without-irony Church of Scientology. But it’s not even the Tom and Katie bits that have caused that part of our brain to throb with its now-familiar unnamed agony. Instead, it’s this quote from fellow Scientologist Kelly Preston in which she explains why their religion requires women to remain completely silent during childbirth:

“It’s just because everything in moments of pain are really recorded and you want to have the birth really peaceful and clear of suggestions or different words that can affect the babies in the future,” revealed Kelly.

We’ll be the first to admit that sometimes the reporting style on Entertainment Tonight is far too disturbing in its unquenchable thrust for the truth. Still, we can’t quite remember seeing or hearing footage from any childbirth sessions in which we were privy to the desperate exclamations of a D-list actress in labor. Could it be that Preston believes everything she says and does is being recorded, or is this a reference to some kind of Xenu-sponsored, 24/7 brain-monitor that is simply a part of the Scientology conundrum?

Then again, it doesn’t so much matter. Preston’s kids have a lot more to worry about then whether or not their mother cursed like a sailor at that crucial moment when it all started to go downhill for them.