Blame the Screenwriter: Inside Man, Larry the Cable Guy, Stay Alive

Friday is Hollywood’s Big Day, where careers are made or crushed into dust based on the performance of a given film’s opening night. And while we’ll be the first (and perhaps only) to allow Hollywood screenwriters to claim such box office victories, we’re also willing to point out that our previous predictions have been more or less completely inaccurate.

Movie title: Inside Man
Screenwriter: Russell Gewirtz
Track record: Gewirtz is a newcomer, a former attorney with a “I never meant to be a screenwriter, I just happened to do it one day” riches to riches story.
Uh-Oh: None in evidence; Gewirtz seems to be leading a pretty charmed life (see above).
Blame the writer? The film’s got some seriously good critical buzz going. Oh, and Spike Lee directed it, if that’s important.

Movie title: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
Screenwriters: Jonathan Bernstein, James Greer
Track record: “Story by” credit for critical darling and massive hit Max Keeble’s Big Move.
Uh-Oh: Starring Kid Rock in the role he was born to play.
Blame the writer? With a large, built-in audience for the character, could pull a weekend upset.

Movie title: Stay Alive
Screenwriters: William Brent Bell & Matthew Peterman
Track record: Sparkle and Charm (Bell) – featuring Clint and Rance Howard!
Uh-Oh: When a group of friends start getting killed in the same ways as their online video game counterparts, they realize they must defeat the Blood Countess and…then…zzzzzzzz.
Blame the writer? Our prediction: 2006’s Best Videogame Screenplay That Even Uwe Boll Wouldn’t Direct.

So who do you blame? Obviously someone has tampered with the Hollywood water supply. Three neophyte screenwriters are opening movies on the same weekend? What, is there a big dumpster full of Movie Greenlighting Money just sitting outside the gates of each studio, available to anyone who walks by?

Anyway. Of these, Inside Man looks like the best bet for the weekend – currently scoring higher than 80% at Rotten Tomatoes. And seriously: read this story and decide for yourself whether or not it’s truly a fair universe. Or we’ll just tell you: no. No, it is not.